Six more random thoughts

Precie tagged me for another one of those random memes. Funny thing is I realize that I have actually been tagged by the random virus six times already. You would think that I would be all randomned out. But you would be wrong for I am one bizarre person.

1. I like to talk to myself. All the time. Even in my sleep. I find myself truly amusing. I also crack myself up on a regular basis. My own jokes are so funny that I laugh harder than anyone else in the room. And if they don't laugh at all, I just about go into hysterics. This is why I am never bored.

2. After seeing Raiders of the Lost Ark, I was determined to marry Harrison Ford when I grew up. In fact I practiced writing "Love You" on my eyelids with my mother's black eyeliner but all I did was make myself look like I had two black eyes. Plus I was a stupid kid so I kept writing "U EVL."

3. My maiden name is Ha. Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want. Believe me, there isn't a joke I haven't heard already. Remember that old tv show "Hee Haw?" That was me "She Ha." I never ever saw the show but I can tell you I will hate it til the day I die.

4. I married a guy with the last name Oh. Oh no she didn't. Oh yes she did.

5. Ha and Oh make for the worst married hyphenated name in the world. But it is great fun for telemarketers trying to pronounce your name right. "Is Ms. Haaaaoooh there?" "Is Mrs. Hanoh there, I mean Haaaalohhh?" "Is Mrs. Hauhumoh there?" I always say no and hang up.

6. After I delivered my first child, my loving husband, so warm and caring and attentive, who had been by my side as I squeezed his hand to a pulp and bore down so hard on his right shoulder that he was a bit hunchbacked for awhile, turned and caught my Doctor removing the placenta to which Da Man shrieked out at the top of his lungs, "Oh my god! That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my entire life! I think I'm going to puke." Why don't you take a guess as to what my response might have been. Was it:

a. That's really nice, honey! Way to make me feel really good!
b. F**k You, A**hole!!!!!
c. You are such a jerk!
d. If you think that's disgusting now, wait til I take it home and serve it to you for dinner, jackass!
e. None of the above
f. All of the above

No tagging. But as always feel free to share randomness with me so that I can talk to myself about it later and amuse myself at your expense.

Asians with Unexpected Accents

When I first came down to Washington, DC, I met my first Texan Asian American at law school. Listening to his twangy Texan drawl, I laughed and said I’d never met an Asian with a southern accent before.

He replied, “Sheeeeeeet, I never met an Aaaaaaaaasyun weeeeth uh Nyooooo Yoooork acceeeennn beeeefore neeeether. Yoooooo tawk reeeeeal funny. Yooooo sound lak dat Nanny gal on teeeeee veeeee.”

Uh, Fran Dresher? I’m from Brooklyn, not Staten Island. Needless to say, I was a bit offended.

“And you sound like Gomer Pyle, Golly!” I mocked.

“Ahh, doooohn know whooooo you’re tawkin’ about,” he laughed good naturedly. “Yoooooo dun taaaaaawk toooooo fast."

“And, yoooooooo talk tooooooooo slow!” I replied. Needless to say we became good friends even as we mocked each other viciously. He reminded me of a Korean American comic I saw a long time ago on Comedy Central. Too bad I can’t remember his name cause that boy was funny. But he did this piece about his friend J.B. Daniels. Apparently the J.B. doesn’t stand for anything, so when J.B. went to get his driver’s license, he wrote in “J” --- only, “B” ---- only Daniels. When he got his license it read, Jonly Bonly Daniels. I think it was funnier in person. But for me, part of what made him so funny was the novelty of seeing an Asian American with a southern accent.

This was hit home for me the other day when I was at a restaurant and a sweet older Asian couple was sitting next to me. They looked to be in their late sixties and they were really cute together. When they ordered their meal, they spoke with thick southern accents which made me do a double take. I guess I am so used to older Asians speaking with immigrant accents, that I was surprised when they were not as I had stereotyped them. I loved it! I immediately got into a conversation with them and learned more than I probably ever needed to know. But they were the Lims from Atlanta, Georgia, and they were 4th and 5^th generation Chinese Americans who were visiting their grandkids. I adored them and would have gladly adopted them myself.

They reminded me that Korean Americans are newer immigrants. 80% of mainland Korean Americans are first and second generation only. We are the ones with parents that gave us all American names which they promptly mispronounced. My best friend Sylvia’s name is forever pronounced Sylbeeahh. Virginia is Bahjinyah. Bill is Pill. Sam is Sahm. Barry is Bally. Sarah is Sallah. You get the picture. Don’t even think about throwing them off with a Spanish name. I remember my mom calling Ricky Ricardo, Licky Leeeeecahdo. Baballoooo! Licky loves you!