Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Random Funny Things My Kids Say - Part 9

Ok it's been awhile since I had anything good to report on my kids funny sayings. But I just got a doozy to post.

So Tuesdays and Thursdays are my days at home with youngest since she and I are both on part time school schedules. As much as I say I can't wait for her to start full time in the fall, I will definitely miss our days together. We usually run errands and have lunch together. She is a very easygoing kid.

Yesterday, we went to eat lunch at our local pizza joint, the best place in the DC area for New York style pizza. And I am picky about pizza. As we sat at our table, I notice Youngest keeps peering over my shoulder at someone. I look over and see that there is a mother nursing her baby in the booth diagonal from us. The woman is pretty open about it, not even bothering to cover up her breasts. Youngest keeps staring completely fascinated. When I tell her to mind her own business she says, "I saw her nimples!" For a four year old, she can be quite loud at the most inappropriate times.

"Shhhh," I whisper, "and they are called nipples not nimples."

"Oh! Nipples, nipples, nipples!" She starts chanting.

I hush her again and glance over to see if the mother is offended. She is too busy nursing the baby and yelling at her two year old. But the man in a business suit sitting behind Youngest is trying hard not to laugh out loud.

"That mommy has big bwestesses," she says in a cute Elmer Fudd way. "Her bwestessess is bigger than the baby's head!"

"Shhhhhh, you are being rude," I say.

She is quiet for awhile, still staring every so often. "The nipples has milk in it, right?" Youngest asks as she takes a bite of pizza.


"Does that make her a cow?"

The man behind her has choked on his soda.

"No, that does not make her a cow," I whisper and make scary eyes at her.

"Then does she drink cow milk to make milk for her nimples?" Youngest asks.

The man behind her is studiously avoiding my eyes.

"Nipples, honey, not nimples. And yeah, something like that!" I am still giving her the Mommy warning eyes but she is just not taking the hint.

Youngest is still staring.

"Honey you have got to stop staring!" I whisper, glaring at her.

"But Mommy! She is giving the baby soda! And you said soda is vewy bad for little kids!" Youngest shouts out indignantly.

"Shhh! She is not giving the baby soda!" I say trying to calm her down.

"Yes she is!" Youngest is up on her knees in her chair and pointing. "Look! She is drinking soda and the baby is drinking her NIMPLES!"

I am absolutely mortified as the man behind Youngest just about falls on the ground laughing and the nursing mom sends us completely puzzled looks.

"Please be quiet! Mommy made a mistake. Only milk comes out of there," I say as I shove her pizza in her mouth.

"Oh, ok," Youngest says agreeably. "Then she is like a cow after all."


Patti said...

i want to go get pizza with you guys...

Erica Orloff said...


That is hysterical.

Between my four kids, I have nursed babies for EIGHT solid years. After this post, I feel depressingly cow-like.

Thanks a lot. ;-)

Precie said...

OMG! Priceless! It's so much fun (albeit occasionally embarassing) to watch those little minds churning.

And I'm guessing Youngest made some random businessman's day with that lunchtime entertainment.

March to the Sea said...

I am with Patti..when is the next pizza party..i'll even pay! hahahaha

Carleen Brice said...

Better to be with your group than stared at and commented upon by it! You hit the kid lottery with these girls!

blogless_troll said...

AH-HA-HA! You have the funniest kids!

Demon Hunter said...

LOL. That was too funny! You would have hated me---I would have been screaming as I laughed. Your kids are the best! :*)

Sarah Hina said...

Your daughter is a genius. What goes in must come out...too funny, Ello!

It is next to impossible to shut kids up when necessary. Luckily, I am usually less mortified than my husband, who slinks off and becomes very interested in a ceiling fixture. ;)

J. L. Krueger said...


Hilarious! Great one, Ell!

Hey, let's all get together for pizza with you guys! Great material there!


cyn said...

HAHAHA! my bubs are fascinated by nimples, too. *sighs*

and i'm sorry THE LOOK OF DEATH did not work this time. hahaha! you really made the dude's day tho. heeee!!

Anonymous said...

omg that is hilarious, ello.


WordVixen said...

*OMG, Snarf, Snort, Choke* That is awesome! I can just see a mommy blog and a business blog- "Today at lunch...". :-D

SmartlikeStreetcar said...

We'd love to have your kids for a sleepover. They are too funny!

JaneyV said...

That's brilliant! There are tears in my eyes and this is not good for a woman who can't do her Kegels properly! That bloke in the restaurant must have thought it was his birthday!

Your daughter is cuteness personified!

Larramie said...

Love, Love, Love your Youngest's logical common sense. And I don't know what had me laughing harder -- the businessman's reaction or "she's drinking soda."

We WILL all miss her wisdom when she when she goes of to school full-time, Ello! *VBG*

moonrat said...


cows don't drink soda they?

The Quoibler said...

I love the way she took everything completely literally.

On a similar note, my son finally learned about the birth canal after 2+ years of pestering me about how he "came out" of my belly.

Now, the talk has turned to nimples... er, I mean, nipples. The other day he asked me why I had "short" boobies and other women have "long" boobies. Real cute way to say, "You have no chest whatsoever!"


jjdebenedictis said...

That's hilarious! If I had been the man in the business suit? Oh, yes. I would have been falling off my chair also.

WriterKat said...

Oh my God that is hilarious. There's no other words. You have to cherish those moments. It doesn't get any better than that.

Ello said...

The funny thing was that even as I was mortified I kept thinking, my God I have to blog about this!

Vesper said...

Brilliant, Ello!
You've got to put all these together in a book!!!
Your daughters are just incredibly adorable!

Kappa no He said...

Adorable!! Give her a big hug for me.

Anonymous said...

Oh wow. Mortifying.

But hilarious nonetheless. :D

Anonymous said...

Awesome as always. One thing you can say for your kids is that they speak their minds :)


Melissa Marsh said...

Hahahaha...great story. Your kids crack me up!

Charles Gramlich said...

I'm jealous of the guy who overhead this. why can't I ever overhear such hilarious things.

Anonymous said...


I thought of your blog when I saw this clip between 3 sisters. Two identical twins and a younger sister.

Lisa said...

See, now that could have been all of us!

I have a live and let live attitude so I don't care what anybody else does, but I'd take this as a cautionary tale to the breast feeder who doesn't want to exercise a little discretion -- breastfeed in public at your own risk ;)

petite fleur said...

Hi Ello

Thank you for dropping by. I enjoyed reading your blog & this post is hilarious. I look forward to reading more about your adventures.

Mary Witzl said...

This is a great story, Ello!

My kids did stuff like this too, helpfully using Japanese around Japanese people and English around Americans and other English speakers, instead of the other way around. And NOTHING could shut them up. I'm always in awe of mothers who can give their kids one look and get them to clam right up; I almost wish those Moms could give seminars in this for the rest of us.

Bernita said...

What Precie said!
Doesn't Reader's Digest have a section for incidents like these?
Expect to see your kid there anyday.

Chumplet said...

That was wonderful. My son called my breasts 'nibbles' even though I stopped breastfeeding him at three weeks.

Anonymous said...

Hey, let's all get together for pizza with you guys! Great material there! and very very nice........


Anonymous said...

i want to go get pizza with you guys...


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