Friday, October 26, 2007

And now for somehing completely random...

FAT travelers:

A woman called a travel agent and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?"
The travel agent said "No, why do you ask?"
She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?"
The travel agent put the woman on hold to laugh hysterically before coming back on line and explaining that the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

Bathroom etiquette:

A woman was sitting in her bathroom stall minding her own business when a voice emerged from the stall next to her.

“Hey, how you doing?” the voice said.

Surprised the woman asked if she was talking to her.

“Uh huh,” the voice replied.

“Um, fine thank you,” the woman replied, wondering if perhaps her neighbor needed toilet paper or something else.

“Is everything ok over there?” the voice persisted.

The woman was starting to get annoyed, “Um, yes, not that it’s any of your business.”

“Well, then can I come over there?” the voice asked.

“What is wrong with you?” the woman responded. “Can’t you respect my privacy?”

“Hold on,” the voice continued, “there’s some idiot in the next stall answering all my questions.”

Medical Hijinks!

A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."

And I will end with my favorite Deep Thoughts quote by Jack Handey

"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."


Joy said...

Hilarious!!! How perfect for a rainy Friday afternoon. ;)

Precie said...

OMG! I had totally forgotten that Deep Thoughts selection, but it was one of my favorites!

How appropriate for trick-or-treat night (at least in my town). (When and where I was growing up, Halloween was celebrated ON HALLOWEEN. Didn't matter that it was totally inconvenient for parents, teachers, adults in general.)

Josephine Damian said...

Ello, did you see you made my finalist list?

The Anti-Wife said...

Loved them all.

Sherry said...

Thanks for the laugh!!! Perfect on a cold, rainy night!

Larramie said...

These were all great, Ello, as most real life situations are waaaay better than fiction. However The FAT tag is the one I'll always remember. :o))

steve said...

A friend who worked with me at Amtrak's Chicago reservation office (which is, sadly,no more), recalls an irate passenger calling in to say that his baggage had been marked "SOB." And believe it or not, SOB is the Amtrak city code for South Bend, IN. It's just as well there's no checked baggage to Dowagiac, MI. The city code: DOA.

SzélsőFa said...

Thanks for the laughs. I knew the scene in the bathroom, though, but it was refreshing to read it in English.
The Disneyland joke went too far, I think. I feel sorry for the kids...Or was it just a joke the comedian made up?

Mary Witzl said...

I've flown into Fukuoka airport once or twice and I didn't thing anything of it until I went back to the States and someone did a double-take at my tags: "FUK"

I never batted an eye, because it's pronounced Foo-koo-oh-kah, not -- well, you know.

Charles Gramlich said...

Hilarious. "oscar mayer weiner" indeed.

Merry Jelinek said...

Now that was a fun diversion!

My favorite Deep Thoughts went something like this:

It was raining and my nephew asked me, "Uncle, why does it rain?" and I told him raindrops are God's tears. My nephew asked, "But why is God crying?" and I told him, "I don't know but it's probably something you did."

Carleen Brice said...

Good old Jack Handey! Makes me think of the list that went around some years ago of titles of children's books that will never be written. 2 faves: "Daddy Drinks Because You Cry" and "The Mysterious World of the Abadoned Refrigerator". Sick. :)

SzélsőFa said...

What is this 'Deep Thoughts' series?
Please becalm me that these are read by adults, and never, ever by children.
I think they are pretty hilarious to an adult, but can do damage to kids.

Ello said...

Hey Szelsofa,
Don't worry! Deep Thoughts was a hilarious skit produced for Saturday Night Live here in the US which was a running joke on the show. Sorry I didn't clarify earlier! It would have a beautiful peaceful screenshot of nature with a waterfall or a running brook and a very soothing male announcer's voice would read what was also scrolling on the tv screen. It was mocking some of the religious commercials that used to air on tv over here that would scroll quotes from the bible or "deep thoughts" on humanity. It was really funny. I'll post more later on.