Friday, October 19, 2007

Rejecting the Rejection

October 19, 2007

Ms. Hotshot Agent
1357893 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY

Dear Ms. Agent:

Thank you for your letter of October 17, 2007. I'd like to apologize for the impersonal nature of my letter. Rest assured that I do read every rejection letter carefully and unfortunately this rejection letter is just not right for me. However, these decisions are highly subjective and another writer may have a completely different opinion from mine.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving a large number of rejection letters. With such a diverse and promising field of rejections, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite your outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting writers, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I have decided to accept you as my agent and will forward you a copy of my completed manuscript for your immediate representation. I will arrive in New York on November 8th and look forward to meeting you at your offices at that time.

Best of luck in rejecting future clients.

Sincerely,

Rejected NoMore

P.S. I would appreciate if you did not call security when I arrive.

27 comments:

Lisa said...

This is too funny, although I'm sure you will never experience a rejection and therefore won't have the opportunity to use it :)

Ello said...

Au contraire - have received many in my lifetime (in law school we had a rejection letter wallpapering party and didn't have enough wall space to cover with all the rejection letters so we started taping them to ourselves in paper togas!) and several only this month!

Charles Gramlich said...

This lightened my mood for the day. Thanks, I needed that. Very funny, although I also am not beyond thinking you mean it seriously.

Precie said...

LOL! Nice!

Must be the day. I just received a rejection on a short story via e-mail. A nice rejection, but still.

It's great to see you taking it with humor and grace. :)

Bernita said...

Definitely reject rejection.
Query widely.

March to the Sea said...

When I worked in radio to get a gig you sent an "air check" tape that was your best stuff along w/the usual resume and cover letter etc.

One of the guys I worked with got the job (probably with the help of a strong tape) but he wrote on his letter "My mom says I have a good radio voice" Thank you Bob. And he got the job..

Jennifer L. Griffith said...

I enjoyed this!!

I think I've figured how to hang up all the e-mail rejections without using valuable paper or real wall space...create a "wallpaper" program for the computer. Though there's been so many now, they'd hardly be legible.

moonrat said...

HAHAAHAHAHAA

you rock.

SmartlikeStreetcar said...

This certainly brought a smile to my face. I wish I had the chutzpah to use it!

Sherry said...

A literary masterpiece!!

Angela WD said...

That was hilarious! So funny, in fact, I posted about it on my site: http://pearlwriting.blogspot.com/2007/10/im-done.html

I wish I had the courage to send out a letter like that!

Angie said...

LOL! OK, that was fun. :D And when I first read it, I thought you'd just come up with a funny way to say, "Hey everyone, I got an agent, woohoo!" [duck]

Great rejection at any rate. Ever thought of becoming an agent yourself, or an editor...? [grin]

Angie

Stewart Sternberg said...

Thank you. That was great. I am copying it and sending it to a few friends.

M. G. Tarquini said...

LOL!

Ello said...

Hey everyone - so glad you all liked it! This was a freaky friday with crazy weather and it gave me a funny mood and I pieced together this beauty from all the rejection letters I've received and voila! There was no anger or frustration or anything - I was just in a fun mood so I'm glad everyone got a laugh about it.

Church Lady said...

Hysterical!! Thanks for the evening laugh :-) My husband is wondering why I'm smiling.
This is great. A real keeper!
I wonder if you should enclose it along with an SASE?

spyscribbler said...

ROFLMAO!

That is just TOO funny, Ello!

Robin S. said...

ello, it's fun to come here - I never know what I'm gonna see. Makes it fun! Love your sense of humor.

Travis Erwin said...

I got a couple of rejections in my inbox today so this was quite timely.

Merry Jelinek said...

I say you use it.... hell, it'll make them laugh if they don't put a restraining order on you.

This was great - and timely, too, I just purged a filefolder full of rejections from my first novel attempt.... I figure I could use the drawer space for the next round to come.

The Anti-Wife said...

Dear NoMore;

Thank you for your timely rejection of my rejection. I understand how frustrating a constant stream of rejection letters can be for some authors.

Perhaps I should have been a bit more specific about why I rejected you. Your middle grade mystery about prep school cheerleaders was a very entertaining read. However, I only represent erotic horror. If you could somehow adapt your manuscript to fit the guidelines on my website, I would be happy to reconsider it.

Best of luck in finding an appropriate agent.

Sincerely,

Ms. Hotshot Agent

PS. I will be in Australia on November 8th.

Ello said...

Dear Hotshot:
Now that you are my agent, I can call you Hotshot, or Hottie for short. I too happen to be flying to Australia on the 8th and will pick you up on the way to the airport. We can discuss the changes to my manuscript on our 20 hour flight in coach. Looking forward to our bonding time.

best,
RJ

Melissa Marsh said...

Hahahaha...I was just looking through my stack of rejection letters yesterday. It all gets rather depressing, doesn't it? Yet here I am today, having sent off two more email queries!

Janet said...

THAT was the funniest letter I've seen in a long time!
AWESOME! You have to send that to the Washington Post or New York Times!

strugglingwriter said...

That was great!

Mary Witzl said...

I enjoyed this too. Whenever people express surprise at all the rejection letters you get, you realize they haven't had much experience with rejection themselves, thus probably haven't done a lot of querying. It's a long hard road, but how else are you going to get to the end?

Thanks for not using the phrase 'fall in love' as in 'I'm afraid I just didn't fall in love with this.' Whenever I read that one, I invariably feel a big yawn coming on.

the Brad said...

Freakin hillarious.

(And tragically depressing.)