Thursday, January 10, 2008

My name is Angus

Before I tell you all about the whole Angus business, I just wanted to say a few things about comments. I have not been good about commenting and for that I apologize. It is not because I don't have anything to say. In fact, part of the problem is that when I am reading the comments off of my email account (and I read all of them) I usually respond to the comments either in my head or out loud as if you were sitting in front of me talking to me. And so when I return to my blog, in my mind, I have already commented to all of you about all your comments. Yes, I do realize how perfectly demented that may sound to you all, but it seems quite normal to me. I can't help it that you don't have the telepathic ability to hear me reacting to your comments. That's really not my fault, you know. But to give you an idea of the usual reactions I have to the comments I receive, I shall provide you with the following list of things that come out of my mouth after reading your comments:

Uh huh, you know that's right.
HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Gag, choke on saliva. Cough. Cough. Wheeze.
Oh My God, he/she is crazier than I am!
Say what?
Damn! I wish Conduit had told me about that funny video earlier so I could have actually used it on my post!
Oh yes, High 5! Well? Don't leave me hanging!
Aw, that's so sweet of them to say. What does he/she want from me?
Hey, that's funnier than my post!
I'm hungry.
Is he/she stalking me?
Hee hee heeeeeeeee! Squeal like a little piggie.

So at any given time, some variation of the above will occur to any comments I receive. Sometimes I will actually write a response down, especially if I am asked a question. But usually I just completely forget to respond to all my wonderful comments because I am a lazy, crazy demented fool that can barely get her posts out. So please know that I think the world about all your comments and I always respond, even though usually it's all in my head.

So on to My Name is Angus:

My middle child likes to change her names at times. Last year, she went for a whole month insisting that her name was Peep and would not respond to anything but that name. To which she would then peep like a baby chick. A few months ago she insisted that we all call her Baby and she would reply in baby talk, but luckily that didn't last too long.

Last night my middle child came home and announced that from now on she would answer only to the name "Angus." Why Angus, I asked.

"Don't question Angus, no one can know why Angus does what Angus does!"

"Angus?!" My oldest laughed. "That's a boy's name."

"Angus is a boy," Angus replied in her husky little voice.

"Well that means you can't wear your pretty dresses and shoes anymore if you are a boy!" oldest said.

Angus paused and then announced, "Angus is a boy who likes to wear dresses."

"You can't do that!" Oldest said.

"Angus can do whatever Angus wants!"

"It's bath time," I cut in.

"Angus does not take baths!" she proclaimed.

"And why is that?"

"Angus is a boy and boys do not take baths!" she said.

"Ummm, who said that?"

"Angus says that because all boys are dirty and stinky!"

"Well in this house, no one is allowed to be dirty and stinky, even boys," I said.

"But Angus is not even dirty and stinky yet!"

"Angus better get her butt upstairs and in the water before she loses some privileges," I responded.

"Angus is not amused!"

"Mommy is not amused either, now go upstairs."

"But first, Angus will leave you with a parting present," Angus says just as she sticks her little butt out and farts pretty much in my face.

"ARGH! That is really disgusting!" I shouted. Angus smiles and says "I told you Angus was a boy."

32 comments:

pacatrue said...

My younger sister changed names a lot. The worst one was Crystal Violent. The best was "C.C. USA 1986". Now, that's a name. I have a sudden urge to give her a call and tease her about it again.

Vesper said...

Your little "Angus" is just as funny as you are, Ello! Wow! A visit to your blog puts me in a great mood for the rest of the day. Thank you! :-) :-) :-)

moonrat said...

three things:

1) hahahahahahaha

2) did i inspire your "sorry i forget to reply to comments" post? (i like to think of myself as an inspiration for many people)

3) feel free to disregard the above two, but YOU MUST GO TO THE BOOK BOOK AND LOOK AT MY PALE VIEW OF HILLS QUESTIONS!!! I NEED SERIOUS HELP!!! please tell me what you think, pretty please :)

Demon Hunter said...

Ello,
ROFL! You are too much! You just need a microphone. Too funny.

angelle said...

hahahah your kid is hilarious. children are so funny.

March to the Sea said...

like the new look....

Precie said...

LMAO! I love, I mean LOOOOOOVE, your kids!

And I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one who responds out loud to blog comments. :)

strugglingwriter said...

That post is too much.

This reminded me of comedian David Cross's bit about Ricky Henderson. "Ricky Henderson does what Ricky Henderson wants because that's the best for Ricky...."

My daughter has been calling herself something I don't know how to spell. We'll just say it's "DooBeeDaa". So funny.

Melissa Marsh said...

I love what kids come up with. My daughter wanted to change her name once, but I told her she had a perfectly lovely name already.

I'm tellin' ya, they need a replacement for Ermba Bombeck, Ell, and you're it!!!

Charles Gramlich said...

Hilarious. Sounds like your house is a fun one. You should defientely write some of these up for humor magazines. My son never changed his name but he did plenty of "odd" things.

Holly Kennedy said...

This is adorable!!!

Thanks for making me smile AND for making me realize (with relief) that I'm not the only one with kids who say and/or come up with the craziest things at any given time!

Wayne said...

Chirps me up that does for sure. I know another household like that.

SzélsőFa said...

Without any thinking, I would have slapped that nicey-nice buttock of hers/his at the very second. This is so incredibly rude, although I know s/he meant to be funny...

Josephine Damian said...

Ello, when I moderated comments, it helped me keep track of replying. Now I get emails to let me see that I have comments, but I always double back to reply.

I'm still on the learning curve when it comes to managing the blogs.

Whether you reply or not, you always amuse and inform.

Merry Monteleone said...

I'm a little anal about comments on my blog - if I don't reply I feel terribly guilty... plus I like to continue the conversation if it's a writerly kind of post.

I don't mind that you don't reply, though... first, your posts are hysterical - I love your kids and I think Angus is a stellar name, but if you want her to get sick of it, start calling her beef for short...
second, you always stop back over at my place to talk too, so it's not like you're completely ignoring your comments - return visits make up for lack of comment reply.

Larramie said...

Totally understand how you reply to us in your head, Ello, and about Angus...always thought s/he was a cow? ;)

The Anti-Wife said...

Like mother, like daughter.

cyn said...

hahah! go angus!
and am i the only one who
calls "black angus"
restaurant "black anus"?

i don't think anyone
could be crazier than you,
ello! you win!! =D

Conduit said...

I now have the riff from the live version of AC/DC's Whole Lotta Rosie in my head, complete with the crowd chants of "Angus! Angus! Angus!"

Lana Gramlich said...

My husky got me that way once. Cheeky bastard.
You may want to notify "Angus" that he was a Celtic God of youth & love, many years ago.

Church Lady said...

Nice dialogue! You should save it for a future story....
:-)

Carleen Brice said...

All great material-your little Angus is gonna make mommy a lot of money one day!

Kappa no He said...

What an angel!! Angus indeed! And what a clever way to get out of a bath.

Robin S. said...

I'd say little Angus is channeling mommy! Ha! You've got your hands full, kid. (I have two girls. they're older now- but I'm still right there with ya.

Sarah Hina said...

Do not taunt the Angus!

"He" *does* have a point, though.

And once again, you made me almost pull an Angus, I was laughing so hard. ;) Great story, Ello!

Mary Witzl said...

No doubt about it: your middle girl is a character. I was a middle girl myself, so I feel a certain kindred spirit.

But if you ever want to get Angus to cut this out, Ello, just look at her sweetly and say "Gee, this will make such a funny blog post!" She may not care just now, but in a year or two, believe me -- you'll have some bargaining power. Use it: you'll have such fun!

My kids keep saying they wish they had blogs. I tell them to go right ahead: I keep my room spotless and always replace the toilet paper when it runs out...

Travis Erwin said...

What do you feed those kids?

Patti said...

tell angus, (um, on second thought don't tell him/her any of this) that that is one way pink eye is spread...by farting in people's faces. don't ask me how i know...i just do.

Patti said...

oh, and you can call me sandy...long story, and quite boring.

Danette Haworth said...

Angus is definitely funny.

I like your list of responses. You should post them in your sidebar and we just select whichever one we think applies to our comment.

Beth said...

Is that true? Because omg, that is absolutely pricless. I adore your little Angus! What a character.

Lisa said...

And now tell me why I couldn't read that story without picturing a little kid with the voice of the Scottish guy from the Simpsons coming out of her. I think you guys are the next replacement series!