Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Addled Brain

patrick star

Once every few months, something happens to me and I get a vicious case of the stupids. The synapses don't fire correctly which affects my motor skills making me clumsy, my brain is addled and turns me into Patrick Star from Spongebob Squarepants. I find myself unable to focus my attention on what people are saying, instead I become absolutely fascinated with a stray nose hair or a long stringy booger or a sesame seed stuck to their bicuspid. God forbid they have a wandering eye! I can't focus, I'm too easily distracted. I'm officially stupid.

Today, I was reading Lisa' Kenny's post on Green Porno and decided to call Da Man. So I asked Oldest to go get me the porn.

"Huh?" she says.

"The porn, the porn! Get me the porn!" I repeated several times before realizing exactly what I was saying and substituing the right request. Luckily she didn't know what I was talking about.

Yesterday, at the office while working on a document for nearly 2 hours I closed out of it, not realizing that I had downloaded the document from my email because I had emailed it to myself to work on at the office, and I had not saved it in a new word document. I lost all 2 hours worth of changes.

I pulled a soda out of the fridge and dropped it on the floor. Since it was the last soda, I decided to put it back in the fridge so it would settle down before I opened it. Not even five minutes pass when I realize I am thirsty and open the fridge, relieved to see there is one soda left. I open it, forgetting it was the one I dropped just a few minutes earlier. Now me and the open fridge are covered in soda.

The other day I pulled out my wallet to empty out the garbage I have collected in my bag. I made two piles - things to keep and things to throw away. When I'm done, I put all two piles back in my bag and throw my wallet away.

I swear I'm certifiably going mad with stupidity. If anyone knows of a cure, please let me know.

35 comments:

Charles Gramlich said...

I had thought I was absent minded but you are the poster child for absent mindedness. Thank goodness for you.

Stephen Parrish said...

There's an up side to all this: it makes for a good blog post.

I once got photographed speeding in a city. The trap was one of those roadside cameras with a "gotcha" flash. Immediately afterwards I got lost in the city, circled around, and drove past that same camera at the exact same speed. And was photographed again. Talk about dumb.

JaneyV said...

LOL - Great post Ell!

I think I may live in the same addled world. I sometimes go around on auto-pilot and it's only when I pull myself back into conscious thought - either by dropping something (like the 4-pint carton of milk last week that I picked up but forgot to hold) or I can't find something (I know now to look in the fridge first - I've found the phone and my car keys in there in the past) or the blank face of my children or The Hubby repeating back a nonsensical phrase. The weird thing is that the Hubby does it too and we appear to be learning what the other means when we talk nonsense!

Colleen_Katana said...

Hysterical, I love it!

Once in college, I was home visiting my parents and needed to get my car inspected. Being the idiot I am, I decided to drive my dad's convertible to the inspection cause it was nice out and I wanted to put the top down. I arrived at the service center and they were all, "Ok, so we're inspecting a '91 Mustang." And I was all, "Uh...shit. I'll be right back." Had to drive home, get MY car and drive back with the Toyota Corolla.

strugglingwriter said...

Wow. That's all I can say. Wow.

Thanks for the laughs and great posts. I forget things and drop things all the time, but I usually spread it out throughout the month. :)

moonrat said...

...you and my mother and my mother have a lot in common. you should go out for lunch sometime. that is, if you can remember when and where and how to dial your respective cell phones. ;)

laughingwolf said...

lol ...i needed the laugh, today

i get that way, frequently... as for a cure, fuhgeddaboudit, no such thing exists! ;)

Precie said...

Been there, honey, and I totally sympathize! It's like pregnancy brain. And it sucks.

Hope your head gets clear soon! Have you been sleeping ok? I find that lack of sleep makes me stupid.

jason evans said...

I love Patrick!

Whirlochre said...

One by-product of momentary stupidity is that you occasionally get to invent a new kind of hot drink. Tea/coffee is pretty horrid, but cocoa/coffee is actually quite pleasant in small doses.

spyscribbler said...

Oh, man, I hate days like that! I have a really bad habit of locking myself out of my house. And my car. Wherever. I am so absent-minded.

March to the Sea said...

i ***love*** patrick!

pjd said...

Man, it's so rude of me to laugh at other people's misery, but this was a funny post. I especially love the wallet one.

BTW, when I saw the title of this in my feed reader, I thought it was "Added Bran." Which didn't surprise me at all. Until I started reading the actual post.

Patti said...

i can blame the heat and humidity for my stoopids...why don't you?!

Sarah Hina said...

I think you're pregnant.

Anonymous said...

I think one way around this is to have a daily goal that you have to focus on. That way everthing else has to be organized around that daily goal, for example, preparing a scrumptous dinner for your spouse.

Precie - you're right, deprivation of sleep does in fact lead to short-term memory breakdown.

Sara Hina - stop scaring Ello and Da' Man!!!

Vesper said...

I've tagged you for a meme, for when your brain feels less addled! :-)

In the mean time, I enjoyed reading your post... :-)

Josephine Damian said...

Ello and Co: The solution is simple - spend less time online. You re-wire your brain with web surfing, clicking like a madman from site to site- cut back/drastically limit your time online and watch your ability to focus improve.

It works for me. Laura Lipman as well - she recognized her inability to focus was related to too much web, so she cut back (and has even blogged about it).

Melissa Marsh said...

I have done the email/document thing where the file is in some temporary folder and I save it in that temp folder, but never in the right doc folder. Talk about frustrating.

Larramie said...

Ello, if this is all true...but you have me guessing. ;)

pacatrue said...

I've done stuff exactly like the wallet thing a bunch of times.I think I've strained some sort of soup once by pouring the soup into a calendar right above the sink, so that the broth part I wanted goes straight down the drain and I've only got the crap that I was trying to get rid of.

Lisa said...

Sorry about the porn :)

ChrisEldin said...

HAHAHAH--re Lisa's comment about the porn!

What JD said is interesting. I've been offline (not by choice) for a few days, and I do feel a bit more focused.

On a more serious note, I want to visit you and rummage through your trash.

Sustenance Scout said...

I just read this post plus your last two Ello and I can't stop laughing. Blame it on the kids, it's all their fault anyway. K.

Precie said...

chris--LMAO! Maybe Da Man gave her a big honking diamond years ago, and she just doesn't remember. Or threw it in the trash accidentally. ;)

cindy said...

ah yes, i know of this illness of which you speak.

i think there is truly only one viable solution--you need to sell the kids. or rent them out at the very least.

da man you could probably pawn off at good will.

;*)

haha!

Kappa no He said...

It is a full moon, ya know. I'm just sayin.

Ambera said...

What a crummy week!
I do things like this constantly, and it makes me worry about things like dementia and Alzheimer's. I blame paint fumes for myself, as for you..maybe try doing a crossword puzzle? Haha, I also saw a commercial recently for a new Nintendo system that's supposed to improve memory.
Good luck!

McKoala said...

Yes, you made me laugh. Also Stephen, Colleen and WO.

Anonymous said...

Precie - how did you know about the ring!?!?

Cindy - no you can't, just as we got to Good Will, the "Open" sign flipped to "Close" and the lights went off.

. . . now where's my "scrumptous dinner?"

El Hombre de Hambre (signed in English to avoid confusion with any frozen food entrees, but I don't know that the Spanish version turned out any better!)

cindy said...

da man, why am i not surprised? it didn't work when i tried it, either. ;*)

Lana Gramlich said...

Gads, woman! You need to come over our place for some carefree margaritas or daquiris out on the deck!

Riss said...

I totally understand. I get a case of the stupids occassionally too...it's like hitting the reset button in a video game but instead of cool music and a nifty reload screen you lose all your progress and start over as little Mario again and have the motor and culmulative mental skills of a dead cat.

It will pass. I don't know a cure, except to start saying (outloud...people stare but so what) I am doing so and so...or whatever to get your brain to focus. It's dumb but it works. Or make a lot of notes in your moments of clarity so that when you go braindead again (think Flowers for Algernon or Awakenings) you can marvel at your past self and do things the right way instead of the nonsense way.

And smile a lot. No one likes a grumpy idiot.

Demon Hunter said...

It's called a vacation, Ello. :*) Sounds like you need one. I know I do.

Carleen Brice said...

Just don't run for president, ok?!

I'm with the folks who vote for a vacation.