I am afraid of my Google Reader

I have it on my igoogle home page. It waits there for me to click it, glaring at me disapprovingly while the parenthetical counter ticks ever up.

I loved it at first. A great way to stay on top of my blog reading, I thought. Oh look! What a good little reader you are! It counts how many new posts have popped up! Good reader. Good good reader.

The first time I used it, I relished marking the new posts off as read. It gave me a sense of accomplishment seeing the number of new posts click down from 50 to 0. I was so proud of myself. But then the next morning, the counter would be back up to 50 again and I would feverishly be trying to catch up. A few hours later, it was as if I had read nothing. I was making no headway. At one point, I was off my computer for a whole day and that night after class, I came back to a counter that read 124 new posts! No longer is Google Reader my friend. No - we are now sworn enemies. We do battle daily and nightly, and it always wins.

But how can I let an inanimate computer program get the better of me? Because I am weak and it is technologically advanced. And it kicks my ass every single day. I feverishly click through all my posts and read as much as I can, trying to desperately keep that counter at (0), but to no avail! When I get it to (0), it lasts about 15 minutes before someone is posting again and ruining my nothingness. And I'm beginning to resent prolific posters. Some blogs seem to post every few minutes. And I think to myself, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!!!! HOW MUCH DO YOU ACTUALLY REALLY HAVE TO SAY OF INTEREST?!!! But they are interesting and I must read the posts, of course. Can't not read the posts. Have to read the posts. I'm like a clicking junkie fiend. Give me another hit baby, just another hit...

Perhaps I have too many blogs to read. It's true I have added more than I used to read in the past, but they are all so good! And then everytime someone new visits my blog, I have to follow them home. Like Mary's little lamb, following it home. And there it is... another interesting blog to read. The junkie wants more. Give me more! Find me more! But I can't handle more!!!! I think I need an intervention, or a good ass whooping.

I live in terror of Google Reader. I get nervous, my hands shake and my palms start to sweat as I wait for my homepage to load up in the morning. The question isn't will it be high, the question is how high. And I am scared. Very scared. I now have nightmares. I dream I am in a padded room of all white. The walls around me are covered with gigantice Google Reader pages. The counter keeps clicking ever higher. Past 100, then 500, up and up until the zeros overrun the pages and I shriek in hysteria as the numbers start spinning faster and faster, higher and higher. And I wake up in a cold sweat and slap Da Man in the head to orient myself. He gets up and screams at me, "WTF is wrong with you!" This immediately makes me feel better and I can go back to sleep. But I can't keep slapping him in the head every night even though it hurts my hand more than it hurts his head. He keeps threatening to have me arrested for spousal abuse. My defense would be that Google Reader made me do it.

Perhaps someone can explain what it is I am doing wrong. Perhaps someone can tell me their method of keeping Reader in check. Perhaps someone will get me a prescription of Xanax and a couple of beers and sing me some Marley. Or perhaps Google Reader and me are just not meant to be.